If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
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