i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
And then he peed in my hair
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