First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
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I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
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nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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