How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
