Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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