id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
