i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
