Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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