I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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