Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
