I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
