Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
