got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
