there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
