Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
