alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
