yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
