Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
