She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
