youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
