she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
