It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
