he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
