U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
