the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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