the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Drunk is a universal language darling
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
