better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
