Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She's the barista slut.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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