She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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