The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
