So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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