i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
