I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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