these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
