Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
