Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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