I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
