I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
