I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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