i just had sex bonerless
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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