Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
