it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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