U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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