Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
