respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh god it's open bar.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
