Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
