after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
