I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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