he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
