May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
