I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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