Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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