Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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