Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
