hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
