mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
