Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
