Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
