Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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