i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
