she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
