Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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