I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
