I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
