Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
