apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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