Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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