R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want to have your abortion
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
