i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
