I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
