can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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